just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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