you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
