Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
