just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Alive.
So much puke
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
