I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
