we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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