I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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