she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
