It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
