its not stalking. its research.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
