We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
