If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
