good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
