I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
