If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
