i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
