Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
