I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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