I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Randomize
