Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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