Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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