my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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