I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Text me some of your sweat
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
