your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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