Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
