I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
