Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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