I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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