Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
