Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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