Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
