All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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