Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hate all girls vehemently.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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