3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
