i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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