I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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