fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
