the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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