I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
