It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
