i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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