I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
