just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
