Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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