how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
