I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
love makes seman taste better
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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