i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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