you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
