I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
no, he came in my armpit
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
