i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
