pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
