but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
