How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
