they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
